It’s more like a influence than anythin else I think – the feeling that something is covering you and you cannot move in the same dynamic manner that you could before.
Like treading water I suppose or riding a bicycle through dense sand.
The worst is when you feel that that which covers you – chokes you, and takes away your freedom in a way that only you know.
But i think its more than this – its more emotional.Some sort of emotional trauma, like knowing something or realising the something will be and you try to fight that knowledge – be it time constraints or some other realisation that somehow you preempt and know its final destination before it happens – and you fight it and you fight it and you walk and walk through the sand , swim againts the current.
Like somehow you know, you have this insight into the problems – i think this is the box, i’d put stress into.
Sometimes i want to hide and run and escape and stop and lift my feet up and let the current take me away – but then as soon as i relise this, i realise that the currents are taking me further away from that which is upstream – and its like you have this distinct obligation and you feel you must get to it, upstream – so you get up and try again…
Perhaps its responsibility or pride or something that drives us.In a way this that drives me to push also makes me yern to pull.
I don’t know how to fix it.Though i think you cannot, without sacrificing that ‘drive’ that drives you, nor the goal that lies upstream.
I think the only way is to decide and deal with the inevitable and not ponder on the implications of whether or if – just accept the possible predefined outcome – becasue if you cannot change the outcome, why confuse yourself with possibility and aggrevate yourself? It seems that the room for possibility confuses us imensly.
In this way, the success seems to be not the ‘drive’ nor the goal but the means by which walking against the current in such a way that the water moves easily between your legs, and you accept the sand between your toes.
In this way, its how we deal with it, how we organise our thoughts and ways as to accomodate and accept that which will be and the journey to it.