I don’t know exactly where I’m going or what I want, I’m hoping that something will release me from all this responsibility, something easy like fate or something more reckless – like perhaps destiny.
Sometimes I sit down watching tv and wonder like I’m in a game, and i feel like life is like this, monopoly perhaps lets me feel this way – the highs and lows in a game sometimes feels like my life – and sometimes i get really excited because I remember the feeling of winning , of power in the game and I feel it too sometimes in my life – and also I see other people in the game all around me nowadays, she’s sad becuase she has gone to jail twice and has to pay for her rent and I think shes almost bankrupt…
Sometimes I feel like I remember all the feelings on my monopoly games in life and sometimes I think how ironic…monoploy.
Why this is so Ironic is probebly because – I’m thinking of my life and chaning it dramaticaly – though I don’t know enough to think that it warrents it – My thoughts and feelings have some sort of monoploy over me and my tendancies…strange.
Today I relised, fuck..I think im boring, I wonder if I’ll get married ? Actually thinking of it ( or intentially contradicting it ) I like me more and I’m not boring , well not to myself anyway – I rekon I have plenty wrong with me to have it a fruitfuly, call it unexpected life…hmm.Maybe I’m secretly screwd up in my head, and theirs nothing anyone can do about it …acutally that would be cool, then I would probebly have the right to act myself and people wouuld think it normal … hows that for crazy, someone who thinks he’s crazy and that’s a good thing, so he can act crazy and it won’t seem so crazy …. I must admit I am really funky in my head – Though I think I like myself this way, I keep good company with myself.
I wonder What I should do, I think I can do anything really – I still have what god gave me and so umm shiat, I haven’t the foggies fucking clue what on earth I would like to to to make an everlasting impression…everlasting, yes this is waht i want – though I need to find the need, I need i find something else before.
Somthing else ? I’m continually going off in other directions looking for the things that I feel I want to need and don’t actually need, though somehow these quests help me out in some deranged way, because I tend to like going off on these crusades…anypne care to help me?
Anyway – I havn’t said nearly all that I should have, mostly because I have forgotten by now, due to this rambling and my arms sore so – physically I’m incappabble to writing …and spelling( oh well that goes with the territory )…
Ah What a Flimsey Fucking way to Finaly Finish a entry, fuck, fuck, fuck ,fcuk,fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.Ah, Much better.