It’s Wednesday. I woke up at 9:00. I worked from home today. I went for a run at 16:00 and eat a banana. I listened to the radio the whole day – while I was working. It was great. I’m not so happy about the daily stand up tomorrow. Sometimes I think that it’s stupid. Sometimes, most times I think the people are stupid. People are stupid, in general. They dress up and want to look fancy, they say things and laugh at other things that aren’t funny. They pretend to care about things that other care about. They pretend. Sometimes I think the whole world is pretending. Pretending to be cool, to like Hugo Boss or that style or that person or that saying. and every day that style and that person is copied and brought into the stand up every day and I wonder why am I in that stand up? Girls like boys who pretend, then they break when they find out they were always pretending. Boys like girls who give them attention but girls give everyone attention so boys become sad because they know they aren’t important. I miss my mother and my father. I think that they will die very soon and this makes me very sad. My cousin doesn’t declare cheese at airports and says she always does that. I wait for a Lion because that’s what I want and I get Giraffes. I sometimes think if I don’t take a giraffe, I’ll never have anything. It’s strange really how life works. You are honest but tired, you seem lonely but aren’t and no one ever sees you. except yourself and you wonder why pretending makes people notice and why lies work. I walk past this girl at reception every day and I used to like her but something changed and I don’t like her anymore. She is still the same beauty and the same person only, something is not right anymore. She’s died in me. It’s sad. I walk past her everyday and I see in her eyes that she knows this. We are like to greys when we where two bright colours afar.
I’m not sure if I’m depressed but I hope I’m not. Im always alone when I’m by myself and never alone. Though sometimes I feel that with me, there is any emptiness, but I don’t think it’s loneliness. I think I yearn for human compassion, real thoughts and feelings and no pretend. maybe I just need a dog or friend to tell me about things so I can listen. Maybe that’s all I need to do is listen to someone. I could attend lectures and just listen. London is a nice place. I love myself of that I’m sure it’s just that I’m not sure I love anything else.
I’m not sure if I’m depressed but I hope I’m not. Im always alone when I’m by myself and never alone. Though sometimes I feel that with me, there is any emptiness, but I don’t think it’s loneliness. I think I yearn for human compassion, real thoughts and feelings and no pretend. maybe I just need a dog or friend to tell me about things so I can listen. Maybe that’s all I need to do is listen to someone. I could attend lectures and just listen. London is a nice place. I love myself of that I’m sure it’s just that I’m not sure I love anything else.