I know the rules in life and I know the consequences of not following them. Sometimes I just don’t want to follow them. Its like seeing the truth, knowing it and then telling a lie to yourself. Sometimes I forget about the people around me, I forget to say hello or how are you doing. I sometimes just keep real quite and say nothing, even though I think people want me to say something. I loose touch and I think its automatic but I sometimes sit back at night and wish that I do more. Sometimes I think that I should be by myself because of this. Its only then do things not worry me. But sometimes I think that being by myself is the undoing of me for some reason. But I want it so bad. I want to not worry. Sometimes I think I’m being selfish, because I affect other people when I do or don’t do something. Sometimes I just want to have nothing to do with people I know. I love the people I know but I just don’t know.
Sometimes I think I’m in the way of life when I’m around other people – I find myself interwinding with their lives and forgetting mine- sometimes I think that I’m wasting my life – sometimes I think that being by yourself experiencing life as an individual is bliss. Then I think about what people say to be, that when I try to not do something or get involved that I must be careful not to become closed off from the world. Then I think about the rules of life, of lovers of loving and i think that this is important but for me i can only love a certain type. And sometimes I think that I’m a type that cannot be loved. So why try? I try to forget this but in the end this is how it is and the best I have is myself and life. And this is what I want, because its the only thing I know I can have and I deserve.