Sometimes I feel that there in not enough in my life. Its as though I want to do more but I can’t.
I dont know whats stopping me. It might be obvious, like motivation, depression etc but I don’t think so.
Powerless sometimes I feel, a prisoner within myself, I hold myself captive, ruthlessly. The deep found resentment doesn’t help.
Sometimes I think its because I’m missing something, the ‘zone’ where I am confortable, where I can think in peace, not be subjected to multiple interpretations from those around me, bombarded by endless qualifications to everything.
Sometimes I think that I’m just miserable, either because of the above or because I’m just miserable for the hell of it. I’m also tired, thats something I guess, being tired doesn’t pick you up and say ‘have a great day!’ – no, it doesn’t.
I’m tired physically and sometimes I think mentally I’m also a bit tired. Tired physically can be quite easy to figure out, I know why I’m tired -I don’t like sleeping.
On the mental side of things, well, I think my world is perplexing to say the least, not really, but maybe I like to think it is…
I miss being alone.
I really do. Funny, actually because I though being alone is the complete opposite what you should aim for. Its not actually. Well, not for me. I like being alone. I like knowing that the next step is my doing, but I find comfort in knowing that my next step is supported by the people around me. Double edged sword really.
Anyway, probably lack of direction in my life is contributing to the most part of this mental side of things. I don’t think its the obvious like ‘go get a girlfriend’ and everything will be ok. If anything I think that will change my perspective on life. I dont know if that’s what I want. Also I’m under the impression that It will mask things up. What things – I have know idea.
I think I need a project plan. I’ve been reading this book about managing developers in a software house and how important it is to have a project plan, among other things. In project management you always have a plan, risks, people, money etc… So maybe i should make my first real project plan, based on my life. LIke project plans do, they change, problems occur but what I’ve realised is how planning for the future, determining things ahead of time and planning mitigation strategies really is the key to improving once chances of succeeding. Maybe that’s what I should do.
Planning ahead is difficult, but trying to determine what might happen is quite cool actually.
Another thing about life and a project plan is how difficult it is to determine how long something will take, and at what cost.
If someone at least has a plan of some kind, even if it sucks, I rekon its better than someone having no plan, and a good Plan with good projections, some estimates, risk analysis and mitigation strategies must be better than nothing at all!
I think that my problem is that i have no project plan, this might be making me feel miserable and undirected.
I need a project plan.