I think my biggest fear in life is getting cancer and/or killing someone unrepentantly by mistake without cause. These things more than love i think.
I have an instinctive fear of being alone forever, however its mostly short lived as my conscious reminds me that life alone and at peace is better than no life at all or life lived together without peace . I hope i come to peace with myself but i realize that this pursuit is really the ultimate, peace and happiness is not really out there – we need to make it for ourselves only for some reason I don’t want to make it. maybe i have a gene that has me down for something else – experimental work in the amazon where i have a 80% chance of living and having a person care for me would be terrible if i died. thats the sort of think i think about, but i really do want to be loved but at the same time i dont and its terrible.
however this latter thought is in constant flux, like so many things in my life.
I dont want to waste my time with people who are time wasters – i hope this opinion changes because it can’t be healthy.