Everyone that I have contact with, I always facilitate, i make sure they are fine. Effort they put into knowing me, I put back at least and sometimes i put back more in any way I possible can.
I feel that someone’s time that they put into interacting with me is worth its compensation, even ten fold more – even if its a levels that are not entirely obvious.
How difficult is it to facilitate the world?
Facilitating people each day to be more comfortable with how they do thing, what they say and way they do things is easy – all you need to do is accept each person for who they are and take their approach to everything and this way its easy to be like them and communicate on that same level.
No one really does this anymore, no one cares about your feelings because they aren’t their’s or it conflicts. No one really want to make you feel comfortable, they just want to be comfortable themselves – no one really wants you to be somehow better then they are – so no one will facilitate you in getting to where you want to be. I try though to do this because it makes me feel really good, I like knowing that someway I made a little difference – even if that making someone aware or realizing something that they may have not been able to straight away or wasn’t immediately apparent. But I don’t try to make it apparent, its something I gain from it personally and I dont let people be aware of what I do – I think its a psychological treat.
I support each and every person i know as if I am that person. I feel their thoughts in my mind and I hold their emotions close to my heart. Sometimes I sit alone at night, in front of my computer, with all this knowledge about computing and Internet technologies and wot not and I try to understand who I am and I can’t. Sometimes i think the best move I’ll ever make will be steping away from computers as they provide me with the only pleasures and hide others – life’s subtleties.
I think my biggest frustration is that I spend so much time trying to understand other people because i enjoy it that I don’t understand who I am. Unless…. this is who i am?
But know that I think this is the case, I’m going on a journey of self discovery.And in this process, I cannot be held responsible for why my discovery will impact on people and thus, I’ll try to avoid them as much as possible – and this is my scape goat.
Sometimes i feel so incomplete and nothing fulfills me or comforts me but the people I know and the people I interact with. But this person that I am, this all facilitating person has become so involved in my existences that I know not of how to facilitate myself because i don’t know what i like, why i do things are even what i do and the very things that I do to make situations comfortable i cannot seem to grasp in my own life. Its rather sad and difficult to work with.
I’m still on a continuous of self discovery and I’m realizing now how difficult life really is and at the same time how wonderful it is. Only its the finer things in life that are flying right past me. The subtle things like conversation, concentration and forward thinking – these seem to have left me and who knows when they’ll be back, if they come back?
Life i think is bearable only because I avoid it. Because I’m not very good at life.