its not defined – alot of things in my life.
But well its difficult to understand how I’m going to get out of this phase of knowing little – being definitionless.
But what i do know and i wont forget soon is how problematic it would be if i got into a relationship and expressed my emotions and trusted someone with them.
I mean, shit, I dont know what the fuck is wrong with me – I get so sad when i watch sad movies and i get SO depressed and SO emotion when emotions are being flung around.
its trully my weaknesss – all enemies out there – you want to know my weakness? Its that I feel and experiance emotion in so much quantity that its dangerous and just the thought of these things and loosing things makes me so unbelively emotion and if i ever had something and then lost it – I’d break and nothing would put me back together again.
I’m a time bomb. I know something like this is going to happen – I’ve been planning my whole life to avoid this – stay away from people – dont get attached.
Maybe I’m good at this, or I’m just ugly. Anyway its working. but i know one day it wont – instinct will be and I’ll loose something and it will be the end of Stu Mathews.
I’m not one who thinks too hard and furiusly – I’m lazy – I’m governd by emotion and my fall will be without much emotion.
At the moment i dont know where I fit in life – but something is lingeringn yearning… to be great.
Stu